My Useless Hate Mail Page

I now have two pieces of hate mail - the new and the old. If any more shows up, I'll be sure to add structure.

New

The following deathless prose was a response to a recent Usenet posting (November of '97.) The posting was a discussion of naming conventions; this was from the guy who wanted to know more about them. Charming.

From: correspondant
To: "'seebs@plethora.net'" <seebs@plethora.net>
Subject: Save your opinion for the high schoolers on the net

fyi:

I was asking for information, not your opinion. Obviously this is too subtle a difference for you. Kids like you are destroying the internet because of your vitriol and ignorance. Save your comments for the high schoolers who might be impressed by your use of buzzwords that you don't understand.

don't bother emailing me, I already have you on the filter list

Old

This was the first hate mail I've ever gotten, really. Unless you count the death threats from John Whatsisname a few years ago. I find it really amusing. Name removed to protect the innocent. This is all one conversation; I'll include division markers when there's another one.

See if you can identify where I started finding this funny.

From: my correspondant
Newsgroups: comp.lang.c
Subject: Looking for Unix, C Consultant for Pacific Bell
X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.0b3 (Win16; I)

I need a Unix , C consultant for my client Pacific Bell. This project involves analysis of current Unix system and making recomendations for enhancements. The consultant would then be responsible for the design, development and testing of the system mentioned above. Experience in some form of RDBMS is required. ORACLE.

Please call correspondant at 415-555-1212 or reply to the above adress.

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: jobs...

Please post job offers in job newsgroups; you might look at
misc.jobs.contract, for instance.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: jobs...

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> Please post job offers in job newsgroups; you might look at
> misc.jobs.contract, for instance.
>
> -s
go to hell fucker, get a life.

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: jobs...

I have a life, and part of it involves programming.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: jobs...

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> I have a life, and part of it involves programming.
>
> -s
program your way the hell out of my life!

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: jobs...

Look, *you're* the one who posted something in the wrong
place.

I don't think it reflects well on your
institution at all that your response to a polite
pointer to a better place to post
job offers gets met with swearing
and insults.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: jobs...

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> Look, *you're* the one who posted something in the wrong
> place.
>
> I don't think it reflects well on your
> institution at all that your response to a polite
> pointer to a better place to post
> job offers gets met with swearing
> and insults.
>
> -s
I think you should realize that you have no authority over me or anyone
else in this circumstance. If you feel that you have been so deeply
harmed by my devious crime then perhaps you should contact Senator Exxon
and join his cause. By the way Fuck Off!

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: jobs...

What's *authority* got to do with it? I'm pointing out that
what you're doing is both rude and liable
to be ineffectual. It will offend more people than it will
impress. The serious contractors
are all reading misc.jobs.contract.

Anyway, if you don't like the guidelines for using the groups,
don't use them. It's not a matter of authority or any such thing;
each group has a charter denoting what's topical for it, and if what you
post is not covered by the charter, you will offend people.

I have made a point of not working for companies that advertise in the wrong places,
and there's a blacklist of such advertisors.

I have no sympathy for Exon (one x), he's a fool. I have no problem
with job postings; I also have no problem with sex. But I want
them kept in the areas for them. When I want jobs, I read job
newsgroups.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: jobs...

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> What's *authority* got to do with it? I'm pointing out that
> what you're doing is both rude and liable
> to be ineffectual. It will offend more people than it will
> impress. The serious contractors
> are all reading misc.jobs.contract.
>
> Anyway, if you don't like the guidelines for using the groups,
> don't use them. It's not a matter of authority or any such thing;
> each group has a charter denoting what's topical for it, and if what you
> post is not covered by the charter, you will offend people.
>
> I have made a point of not working for companies that advertise in the wrong places,
> and there's a blacklist of such advertisors.
>
> I have no sympathy for Exon (one x), he's a fool. I have no problem
> with job postings; I also have no problem with sex. But I want
> them kept in the areas for them. When I want jobs, I read job
> newsgroups.
>
> -s

Peter I think that perhaps you are just a little to self centered. What
you want may be important in your own opionion, though I dought that any
one else cares. You should start your own newsgroup and call it
fucked.faced.selfish.nerds

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: jobs...

If I were the only one, I'd probably do it, although I'd have to
put it in alt.*. As is, it's the charter for comp.programming, so
the people you want to tal to are the ones who voted the newsgroup
in; I assume the list is still available.

:)

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: jobs...

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> If I were the only one, I'd probably do it, although I'd have to
> put it in alt.*. As is, it's the charter for comp.programming, so
> the people you want to tal to are the ones who voted the newsgroup
> in; I assume the list is still available.
>

Peter,
You sound like a very interesting dude. Think we could meet sometime? I
mean, hey, who cooler to hang out with than some dipshit whose life
revolves around a programming newsgroup and acts as some sort of fucking
news patrol against those who don't obey the "intense" laws of the sacred
newsgroups. Get a life assfucker.

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: jobs...

The laws are hardly intense, they're just good ideas.

I have to admit, this is really quite amusing.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: jobs...

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> The laws are hardly intense, they're just good ideas.
>
> I have to admit, this is really quite amusing.
>
Honestly Mr. Seecock, I'll tell you what's amusing---me envisioning and
picturing your simple life and knowing that I would severely question my
life if I directed newsgroup traffic in my spare time. You lose!!!

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: jobs...

Can I quote you on this? I haven't gotten any real
flames in years, and I'm looking for stuff
for my "personal info" page. I'd love to have stuff like this, just for
context.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: RE: Fuckin You

So Peter are you still jacking off in front of your beautifully written
code? I doubt it's very nice code. I can picture a bunch of ripped off
shit that you've stolen from a tape drive off a an Atari 2600. You know
some assholes actually write their own shit.

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: RE: Fuckin You

Thanks, I'll be putting that one on my web page.

It's great.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: web master

I can't decide what is more funny and humorous to me--the fact that you
are the biggest tool that I can imagine, or your pathetic comebacks.
Peter, I'm looking for some originality out of you this time. Get tough
over there compugeek. . . come up with some good material instead of
"I think I'll put that on my web page." So, in summary, your life is
tiny and your existence is minimal at best.

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: web master

I'm really just not finding anything to say.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: web master

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> I'm really just not finding anything to say.
>
> -s
Peter go walk into a closet, close the door, cut out your liver, shit on
it and then mail me back.

From: seebs@solon.com
Subject: Re: web master

The only closet here has the router in it, I can't do that. Maybe when I get home
from work.

-s

From: my correspondant
Subject: Re: web master

Peter Seebach wrote:
>
> The only closet here has the router in it, I can't do that. Maybe when I get home
> from work.
>
> -s

Peter just take out a line connected to the router and stick your
geek dick in it and watch it fry! Then maybe you'll have something to
talk about.


seebs@plethora.net