From seebs Thu Apr  1 16:17:50 CST 1999
Newsgroups: comp.arch
Keywords: Holiday, humor, does, anyone, read, these
Subject: ANNOUNCE: New SPARC(tm) series product line
Summary: We're so cool icicles form on our pamphlets.
Followup-To: 
Distribution: 
Organization: Plethora . Net - More net, less spam!
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--- SUN ANNOUNCES NEW SPARC MODEL CLASS ---

Sun Microsystems, Inc, is proud to announce the addition of a new sub-family
of the powerful SPARC(tm) line of chips.  This new chip sub-family provides
breakthrough power at a breakthrough price.

The new "MAXI" SPARC(tm) is expected to break all previously set
price/performance barriers.  With a full 128-bit memory bus, a full megabyte
of on-chip cache, and more registers than you can shake a stick at,
MaxiSPARC is where it's at!  Additionally, the Ultra line reaches its pinnacle
in Ultra MaxiSPARC(tm), the world's second most advanced processor!

Sun Microsystems founder, Scott G. Sun, had this to say about the new
processor:

        "Picture your data as a stream of blue liquid, pouring onto the
         CPU.  If the cache can't process, or absorb, that data quickly 
         enough, some of the data will have to spill over into main memory.
         Our revolutionary associative system allows us to index cached
         memory by address, word size, and value, weaving a net of
         protection between the processor's fastest output and the slower
         main memory.  The revolutionary tri-weave system really helps
         keep your system active, even during heavy flow."

The MaxiSPARC(tm) line also extends to laptops, where the patented
Super Thin MaxiSPARC(tm) processor, a mere 2 millimeters thick, is expected
to reduce laptop weights by six to eight grams compared to the heavier
competition.

The most advanced processor is still under wraps; all we can release today is
the following informal description, leaked by an anonymous engineer in the Sun
Microsystems architecture and development group named John M. Scott:

        "The new processor idea is really simple.  Everyone knows you'll
         have to put a heat sink on the processor, so we build it in.  In
         fact, we've been able to move nearly 10% of the silicon into 
         the heat sink, in the form of little extensions to the base form
         we're calling ``wings''.  These provide improved performance as well
         as improved heat dissipation."

Expect to see Ultra MaxiSPARC(tm) with wings in the third quarter of 1997.

Sun Microsystems, Inc., is based in Anaheim, CA, where the staff spend
weekends at Disneyworld.  You should buy stock in Sun today!  We're very good.

[sorry for people who saw this twice; last year I tried to forge it into
 comp.sys.sun.announce, where the meanie moderator killed it just because
 it wasn't legit.  :(]