The great thing about being involved in lawsuits is asking your lawyer what you can say. “Hey, can I post about the deposition?” “Sure.” “Hey, can I discuss the <redacted>?” “Not yet.” (This posting has been approved by counsel.)
So, I can’t tell you about that. Or the other thing. I can maybe say that someone who has an ‘a’ in his name somewhere probably hates my guts, and I can say it’s his own damn fault.
But I can tell you a bit about the deposition. This is in “Seebach v. CaDan”. CaDan is a small-time fax spammer. Small-time meaning I have 78 faxes from them, that we know of.
So, anyway, they decided to depose me, to see if they could find anything really great. It was a lot of fun. Basically, I got to sit around for two hours while a fairly friendly-seeming lawyer grilled me. His goals may be opposed to mine, but he was polite enough.
It was, however, a very, very, funny experience. They presented a number of things as exhibits, such as bad copies of various faxes I’d gotten from them. One of the copies had the date cut off by the copier. I was asked if it would surprise me to learn that all of the faxes were sent after 6 PM on Friday, or Saturday, or Sunday. Given that the faxes in front of me had been sent at wildly different times, yes, it would have surprised me, because it ain’t true.
I was confronted with a copy of my resume. Unfortunately, they weren’t paying very close attention; rather than picking one of my real ones, they picked the padded one. So, under oath, I had to testify to the best of my ability the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth - which was that this resume was a joke. A parody. This is the one where I list “sorted recycling” as a job duty I had working for Saint Paul Waste Management. Which is to say, I listed something everyone in Saint Paul is required by law to do as if it were a “job”. It was a joke, and they didn’t get it.
They presented a Google search, allegedly on the fax number in question - but in fact, they typed in the wrong number, making the results purely irrelevant. And funny.
There’s a few other things, but those give you the feel. The deposition was a desperate scramble to find anything at all which could be used to support the laughable claim that we have an existing business relationship. It failed, and it failed in funny ways.
But wait ’til you hear the stuff I can’t tell you about yet. This is WAY too much fun.
Comments [archived]
From: seebs_lawyer
Date: 2003-07-31 22:02:47 -0500
CERTIFIED
100% ROTFLMAFAO
BY ME
WHILE LISTENING TO THE RAMONES
gabba
gabba
hey!
From: meatwad
Date: 2003-07-31 22:04:35 -0500
I fail to see the humor in this.
From: Jesse
Date: 2003-08-01 00:04:22 -0500
Seebs doll, you didn’t tell me your lawyer was a Ramones fan. When do I get to meet this paragon of the profession?
-J
From: seebs_lawyer
Date: 2003-08-04 22:39:01 -0500
Sometimes it takes a little extra . . . er … “energy” to get the stuff out the door. That’s what the Ramones are for. Sometimes it takes a little attitude to get it right. That’s what the Clash is for. Sometimes it takes a lot of attitude. That’s what Lou Reed is for.
From: Jesse
Date: 2003-08-06 16:19:55 -0500
Sometimes it takes a fuckitallanyway sense of humor; that’s what the Offspring are for. Sometimes it takes all night, that’s why we have the Queers. Sometimes it takes the ability to sound like you weren’t being insulting until they’ve had five minutes to think about it, by which time you’re far away, which is where Juliana Theory comes in. Gosh, this is a great form, I could go through every punk band in my collection this way.
Old school, man. But what can we say about Iggy Pop? Besides ‘Ow quit it I’m telling Mom’?
From: seebs_lawyer
Date: 2003-08-07 23:05:19 -0500
Iggy …
I can’t think of anything clever to say about that.
Old school? Old school? Goddammit, lady, I AM old! I own Sandinista on vinyl. I remember when MTV actually showed music videos. I had lunch with Casey Jones.
happy birthday to me …
happy birthday to me …
feeling just a bit maudlin today.
From: Jesse
Date: 2003-08-08 03:24:00 -0500
Vinyl. Wow. I once had Subhumans on vinyl, but there was this party, see… Also I had Arcwelder’s first album from when they were Tiltawhirl, and all of those got recalled when they were sued by the Tiltawhirl corporation, so it was this big collector’s item – and then this I’m-so-hardcore twit named Slave stole it and sold it. Yargh, I’m getting mad just thinking about it. Vinyl. To hell with vinyl.
Cmon, you can’t be THAT much older.