So, I like grape soda sometimes. I had a 12-pack of Welch's "sparkling grape soda", and I liked it. And the next time I was out, there was no Welch's grape soda, but there was Fanta grape soda. I figured they would be interchangeable. I was wrong.
I'm going to attempt to explain this using a chart.
| Thing | How much like grapes it is |
|---|---|
| Unused kitty litter | NOT AT ALL LIKE GRAPES |
| Actual molten lava | |
| Fanta grape soda | |
| Death's sweet release | |
| Packing peanuts | |
| Circus peanuts | HAS AT LEAST ONE QUALITY IN COMMON WITH GRAPES |
| Used kitty litter | |
| Purple Skittles candy | |
| A shark egg | |
| Purple kool-aid powder | |
| Welch's grape soda | QUITE A BIT LIKE GRAPES |
| Red, red, wine | |
| Grape juice from concentrate | |
| Grape juice not from concentrate | |
| Actual grapes | EXACTLY LIKE GRAPES |
Notes:
Used kitty litter scores more highly than unused kitty litter because it has some organic qualities to it. Unused kitty litter is just clay.
Packing peanuts are only made of plain old styrofoam, but are around the same size as grapes.
Circus peanuts only appear to be made of styrofoam. They are sort of sugary, which makes them somewhat like grapes.
Death's sweet release is more like grapes than Fanta is, because I like grapes, and I think I would like death more than Fanta. (I may exaggerate slightly for humorous effect.)
Comments [archived]
From: seebs_lawyer
Date: 2005-02-01 23:35:49 -0600
I’m pretty sure purple Kool-Aid powder is NOT AT ALL LIKE GRAPES.
From: Tiffany
Date: 2005-02-03 23:18:23 -0600
seebs, darling, you are such a monkey. But you should have kudzu blooms on your scale. Kudzu smells exactly like artificial grape flavor–the kind in bubble gum.
From: Sharon Harris
Date: 2005-03-27 19:40:20 -0600
Dear Management,
When you made Welchs sparkling Grape soda. you made the best soda in the world. I drink welchs grape soda everyday. I can’t get enouth of it. The taste is like no soda I have ever tasted in my life. When it is cold and chilled you can’t put it down. You should make sure that every store across the U.S. carry this soda.
Sharon Harris, Oakland California